News > TW Feature: The Most Absurd Television Premises of All Time
July 17, 2007

During the dawn of reality TV, it seemed like every month the American public was muttering under its breath, “What will they think of next?” We marveled at each new ridiculous show the networks were generating on a regular basis. The turning point was perhaps the debut of the Geico commercial “Tiny House,” because probably 75% of the people watching the commercial completely believed it could be a real show.
But to trace absurd television only to the early 21st century would be a mistake. I’m afraid stupid premises go back practically to the dawn of television. In fact, compared to some of the sitcoms released in the 1980s, Flavor of Love and Joe Millionaire seem downright normal. Here are three sitcoms and one sci-fi adventure show that are worthy of study.

ALF
Premise: A furry alien, fleeing his exploding home planet Melmac, crash lands in the Tanner family garage. ALF (short for Alien Life Form) becomes a pesky, wisecracking houseguest who gets into all kinds of wacky situations.
There had been alien-themed sitcoms before (Mork and Mindy) and there have been some since (3rd Rock From the Sun) but ALF takes the cake for weirdness. One need look no further than an early episode in which Gordon Shumway (ALF’s real, Melmackian name) makes a music video professing his love for the Tanners’ teenage daughter:
It amazes me how long that music video is, and moreover, how 80s it is.
ALF was kind of a hodgepodge of ideas. There was something about Melmac being destroyed by nuclear war, so there was a (faint) political element at the core of the show, but there was also a good deal of silliness. For example, ALF was a big fan of eating cats and seemed to be a borderline Jewish stereotype (he was from the Lower East Side of Melmac, he had an enormous mole-covered nose, and was never without a Dangerfieldian joke). I’d say it’s surprising that the show lasted for over 100 episodes, but it’s really not, considering that ALF was a pretty fun show (or so five year old me recalls).

My Mother the Car
Premise: Attorney David Crabtree purchases a used station wagon, only to discover that the car is the reincarnation of his own dead mother. She speaks (but of course only to David) via the car radio.
Making fun of My Mother the Car is the television criticism version of shooting fish in a barrel. It’s been referenced and parodied all over, perhaps most famously on The Simpsons, when Grandpa dies and comes back as a “love tester” machine. The show lasted a full season (30 episodes), but is still considered one of the worst television series of all time. There’s really no further analysis needed. The premise is one of the most ludicrous things I’ve ever heard. One can’t help but think that the producers were directly attempting to verify Newton Minow’s 1961 claim that television was a “vast wasteland.”

Quantum Leap
Premise: Scientist Sam Beckett tests his experimental time machine, only to find himself trapped in the past. What’s more, he is inhabiting someone else’s body. Each time he goes back to a different time period/body, he must “right some wrong” in order to move on to another time period, hoping that eventually he can return home. He is aided by the holographic image of his friend Al, as well as a sentient computer named Ziggy.
I’m not saying that Quantum Leap isn’t a compelling, interesting show, just that it makes no sense whatsoever. So Sam takes over the bodies of random people in the past in order to do good deeds, and when this deed is accomplished, he magically moves on to another body in another time period? What makes him think that that sequence of events will ever return him home in the first place? And on top of that, his only friend is a hologram that for some reason only Sam can see and hear? Wikipedia says that animals and children were also aware of Al’s presence, which might make even less sense.
I’ve also read that during the second season (Episode: “The Honeymoon Express”) it is revealed that God is behind Sam’s leaps, and that the latter is acting as the hand of God, changing events that the deity feels are “wrong.” This is what I call a classic cop-out. No doubt for the entire first season, the writers were being hassled about the absurdity of the show, and thus they rehashed the classic explanation for all things: God made it happen. Screw science, God did it. Talk about the ultimate deus ex machina.
Of course this “God” explanation only raises those other age-old questions like “Why does God need anyone to do this for him?” “Why isn’t there an episode in which Sam averts the Holocaust?” But no doubt the retort would be “God works in mysterious ways.” All the more reason why God should have as little interaction with science fiction as possible.

Small Wonder
Premise: Inventor Ted Lawson, in an effort to help handicapped children, creates V.I.C.I. (pronounced Vicki), an android in the form of a 10 year old girl. The Lawsons then hide the robot in their house, passing her off as their adopted daughter (/cousin?).
There’s so much disbelief one has to suspend that it’s almost hard to begin anywhere. Well, first of all, it should be pointed out that V.I.C.I. was short for Voice Input Child Identicant, which makes no sense at all. “Identicant” isn’t even a word. You’d swear someone improvised that acronym on the spot and for some reason it HAD to become part of the show. Why not something like Virtually Identical Child Imitation? Or more appropriately Vocally Inflectionless, Challenged Individual? Vicki also had super-strength, super-speed, an electrical outlet, and a parallel port under her left arm. The special effects that were used whenever Vicki demonstrated her extra abilities were sub-Industrial Light and Magic. Hell, they were sub-.
Why Ted would not be able to tell his boss the fact that he had created a robot with artificial intelligence is beyond me as that seems like it would be pretty lucrative, or at least make for an interesting blurb in the trade papers. I’m not going to get on her monotonous voice or her very literal interpretation of expressions and how no one seemed to notice or care. The family could explain that away as some rare disability that no one would ever question. But it seems apparent that you would not want to enroll her in elementary/middle school, under the fierce scrutiny of hundreds of cruel, inquisitive children.