News > FEATURED: GOB Bluth -- The Only Man I've Ever Loved
June 6, 2007
Written by Richard Matthes
In the halcyon days of Arrested Development’s run on Fox, there emerged a character that combined the insecurities of George Costanza with the bravado of Sam Malone. He had magical abilities that were roughly comparable to Roseanne Connor’s ability to not eat cake, and ventriloquism skills that rivaled Doug on that one episode of the Nickelodeon show where he attempted to say, “The boy bought the basketball,” without moving his lips. That man was George Oscar (GOB) Bluth.
GOB is a hero for many reasons: he has escaped from prison, broken into prison, created a miniature village to fool a bunch of Japanese investors (“Lord knows they’re squinters!”) and broken down racial barriers by singing duets with a black hand-puppet. GOB Bluth is a man’s man, a role model who knows how to relate to his nephew as well as to his son. He’s a man who has sex with his wife. He’s a magician and a ventriloquist. He’s a genius in real estate as well as in marketing, and he knows how to talk to his underlings so they understand him. He’s the kind of man you don’t insult, for he’ll insult you with a specially-crafted chicken dance. Finally, GOB is a loving sibling who would do anything to make his brother’s wedding special.
Other than feeling up his nephew’s girlfriend, GOB always has George Michael’s best interests in mind. If uncle-ing skills could be compared to ability at chess, GOB would be a computer, since they’re now way better than humans. Just watch how he helps his nephew with a student election.
GOB didn’t know that he had a son until that son had already grown up. His son, Steve Holt, is a cool jock who has failed senior year three times. GOB may have previously attempted to cast his own son as a villain in the student election (see previous video), but that action is tempered by the fact that he never really wanted to have a son in the first place. So there’s that. This clip demonstrates how GOB helps his son cope with thinking that he has committed incest.
GOB -- that rakish devil -- wouldn’t hesitate to get married on a dare. You can tell that GOB is a genius, since a dare is obviously the best premise on which to get married. If it works out, it’s a story you’ll tell your grandchildren. If not, you can always say, “Well, it WAS on a dare” and get a quickie divorce. While GOB’s marriage fell into the second category, I think we all agree that it was his super-thin wife with big cans’ fault:
GOB doesn’t pull any magic tricks—he pulls Illusions. As everyone knows, a trick is something a whore does for money. Or cocaine. I’ll admit that it took me a while to understand how someone who should be a role model can do magic, but seeing GOB work the crowd while Europe’s “The Final Countdown” plays is a thing of beauty:
I want all the people of the world to live in harmony, but all I do is watch Next Generation reruns. I’m not doing jack shit to change anything. GOB Bluth, however, is trying to break down barriers. With his interracial ventriloquism act, GOB breaks down more barriers than an old man in a Buick at a farmer’s market *rimshot*. Here is a clip of him singing about the (infinitesimal, miniscule) differences between the races:
GOB’s skills in real estate development are to be emulated. He’s like the B.A. Baracus of real estate: he hits ‘em hard and without warning. GOB doesn’t just get good ideas, he beats good ideas to death. Like all geniuses, he doesn’t stop to think, he just does what comes naturally. Check out his plans for a new development:
Besides being a real estate genius, GOB is renowned for his ability to spot marketing trends long before they become popular. He’s a loose cannon who can’t help being on the cutting edge—just look at how he rides his Segway. You may say, “The Segway isn’t cutting edge; it’s a failure.” To that I reply, “You are probably right, but if this seems contrived it’s because I wanted to talk about the Segway.” GOB’s marketing creation, Mr. Bananagrabber, is now an animated series:
In his capacity as a boss, I would give GOB an A with sixteen pluses. Much like King Ralph in the eponymous film, GOB has the unique ability to mix with the commoners as well as lampoon the aristocracy from the inside. If only Mitch Hurwitz had thought to give him a crown and a scepter. GOB’s ability to manage his underlings is best exemplified in this speech about sexual harassment:
Can a dance be both a thing of beauty and a call to arms? If it’s coming from GOB Bluth, the answer is, "Yes. Oh, God yes." GOB, while it is obvious he has never seen a real chicken in his life, has cobbled together images and movements that he thought chickens might make to create the most intimidating insult dance the world has ever seen:
Through all of these clips, we’ve seen how GOB is a bad-ass role model who could probably beat up a one-thousand robot ninja army while bringing racial justice to the forefront of the public consciousness. In truth, though, GOB is not just awesomeness and good advice. He’s also a beacon of light for his brother, Michael. In this video you will see how he shines his light as his brother prepares to wed a retarded British woman played by Charlize Theron:
To sum up, GOB Bluth is a hero and role model. He’s like Jesus, Moses, Abe Lincoln and Bo Jackson combined. His business acumen, his unfailing advice, his intimidating dance—all of these things make him great. Combine them with his magic skills, ventriloquism abilities and his kind heart, and you get someone who is not quite a god, yet more than a man.
